As it reaches the last minutes of the day and World Mental Health day, it shouldn’t stop there. Like the name of my blog (which I may change again), this is a spontaneous post. So here it goes as an unconventional read for myself, anyone who reads this casually, or anyone who is on the same boat as me.
Being diagnosed with depression this summer, as well as being a stress sufferer for many years, today has been a difficult day. It started off well, but it deteriorated drastically by the end, but it hasn’t been great anyway for the past week. Losing a friend is hard but for the based on their actions, it goes down on what you decide to do as your closure or how to progress in life. This is the first time in my life where I have actively said: I will never forgive you. That chapter is completed and the only thing left now is to move forward and be your own hero.
Growing up, there is that constant idea that you need someone to save you – whether it’s from the dangers of the world, from other people, but largely it’s yourself. It’s generic but until you start to learn to love yourself, you can never be saved. Right now, it feels like a difficult moment, and don’t get me wrong, it is. However, you will conquer it. There are so many questions and self-doubt and self-hatred for the person that you are, but realistically, you are who you are and that is what makes you special in every way possible. When you’re at your lowest, yes it feels like you’re stuck in a well or you’ve crash landed after experiencing turbulence or the world is simply turning on you. But remember, when you’re at your lowest, the only way left is going upwards – this could be a really long hill as high as the mountains or a casual steep hill, and there will be bumps along the way but you will get there. Wherever that is, that is down to you and only you – decide your own destination. There are many ways to help with the short term troubles and it does keep expanding, from colouring books to reading to watching films (they are among my favourite past times). Find a passion and stick to it – never let it go. You will have new experiences that will be good or bad for you, but when you start to take it day by day, it will slowly become routine. Unfortunately, there will be bad habits that will be picked up, but remember those can be controlled when you slowly regain and take back control of your own mind.
Always remember that while there are really shitty people in this world, there are also the most amazing people that will always love and support you – they are your bestfriends as well as random strangers who doesn’t want to see people down. Be it professional help, medical help, only you can decide what solutions you want to seek and yes, there will be times when you want to close people off and be alone, but from personal experience, it gradually turns into a vicious cycle until it’s too late. Nobody should ever feel lonely even if they like being alone! Never downplay your mental health, it needs to be your main priority and you shouldn’t suffer silently.
I have no idea where I went with this, but some things are just easier to write on screen than it does if it is said out loud. We all have different coping mechanisms, but together, we will learn to accept and find closure of our mental health. It shouldn’t be seen as a problem, rather a part of you (and not completely you!)
Love, tamanna x